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Recommended Reading

Thanks to Jean Benward, LCSW, for introducing us to many of the following resources.



Online Book Sources
Perspective Press
Specializes in books on infertility and adoption.

Tapestry Books
A unique source of books and films related to adoption, infertility, and assisted reproduction for both adults and children. (800) 765-2367


Publications for Adults

Bernstein, Anne. Flight of the Stork: What Children Think and When about Sex and Family Building. Perspectives Press, 1994. Explains how children organize and internalize information on sex and reproduction at different stages of development.

Blyth, Eric and Irene Ryll. Why wouldn't you tell? Telling donor-conceived children about their conception. Health Ethics Today 15: 4; 2005.

Brill, Stephanie. The Queer Parent's Primer: A Lesbian and Gay Families' Guide to Navigating the Straight World. New Harbinger Publications, 2001. Practical suggestions for dealing with the challenges of defining, protecting, and celebrating queer families.

Brill, Stephanie. The New Essential Guide to Lesbian Conception, Pregnancy, and Birth. Alyson Publications, 2006. A thorough, practical guide to the physical and emotional stage of pre-conception, pregnancy, and delivery.

Clifford, Denis, Hertz, Frederick and Emily Doskow. Legal Guide for Lesbian & Gay Couples. Nolo Press, 2007. Helps LGBT couples take charge of their legal needs and take the necessary steps to define and protect their relationships. Addresses same-sex marriage and marriage-like relationships, property ownership, health care directives, estate planning, and parentage questions. With CD containing useful forms.

Clunis, Merilee and Dorsey Green. The Lesbian Parenting Book: A Guide to Creating Families and Raising Children.Seal Press, 1995, 2003. Covers the how-to's of everything from conception and adoption to addressing homophobia in age-appropriate ways.

Committee on Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual Concerns, Committee on Children, Youth & Families, and Committee on Women in Psychology. Lesbian and Gay Parenting. American Psychological Association. Washington, DC, 2005. This publication is an excellent resource for lesbian and gay parents that includes up-to-date summary of research findings, APA amicus briefs and other resources.

Cooper, Susan and Ellen Glazer. Choosing Assisted Reproduction: Social Emotional and Ethical Considerations.Perspectives Press, 1998. An in-depth look at the issues involved in third party reproduction, including donor insemination, egg donation, surrogacy, and embryo adoption.

Doskow, Emily and Frank Zagone. Do Your Own California Adoption: A Guide for Stepparents and Domestic Partners.Nolo Press. Contains information and forms to help you complete a stepparent or domestic partner adoption in California.

Garner, Abigail. Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is. HarperCollins, 2004. Interviews with more than fifty grown sons and daughters of LGBT parents, Garner addresses such topics as coming out to children, facing homophobia at school, co-parenting with ex-partners, and the impact of AIDS, and the children’s own sexuality. familieslikemine.com/

Goldberg, Abbie E. Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children: Research on the Family Life Cycle. Washington, DC: APA Books, 2004. Excellent review of the research on family formation and child outcomes in queer families. Reviews how couples decide on having children and how, issues faced once the children are here, concerns to parents including availability of support and stigma. Reviews the children's development through to adulthood.

Klein, Darci. To Full Term: A Mother's Triumph Over Miscarriage. Berkley Trade, 2007. A memoir and includes medical information, such as the recommendation to seek testing that may help prevent future pregnancy loss. Klein is founder of the organization, Prevent Pregnancy Loss.

Lorbach, Caroline. Experiences of Donor Conception: Parents, Offspring and Donors Through the Years. Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2003. Lorbach is the consumer advocate for the Donor Conception Support Group of Australia. This excellent guidebook quotes 94 parents, offspring, and donors from around the world. Includes the experiences of married heterosexual, single, and lesbian parents.

Martin, April. The Lesbian and Gay Parenting Handbook: Creating and Raising Our Families.HarperCollins, 1993. An affirming guide for lesbian and gay families.

Mattes, Jane. Single Mothers by Choice. Random House, 1994, updated 1997. A useful guidebook from the founder of the organization, Single Mothers by Choice.

Merricks, Walter. A letter from Walter to would-be DI Dads . Donor Conception Network, UK, 2003. A letter designed to help men think though difficult issues related to parenting through donor conception.

Mohler, Marie and Lacy Frazer. A Donor Insemination Guide: Written By and For Lesbian Women. Harrington Park Press, 2002. These partners and parents of two children conceived through donor insemination share their experiences and offer detailed advice.

Montuschi, Olivia. Telling and Talking about Donor Conception: A Guide for Parents.Donor Conception Network, 2006.

Four booklets designed to help parents decide whether and how to tell their children about their donor origins. Each booklet is geared toward a different age group, from birth to adulthood. Available for free from the Donor Conception Network.

Morrissette, Mikki. Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide.Be Mondo Publishing, 2005. A guidebook for single women considering motherhood. Available from www.choosingsinglemotherhood.com

Mundy, Liza. Everything Conceivable: How Assisted Reproduction Is Changing Men, Women, and the World. Knopf Publishing, 2007. An insightful and fascinating account of the world of ART and donor insemination.

Pepper, Rachel. The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians: How to Stay Sane and Care for Yourself from Preconception through Birth, Cleis Press, 2005. A humorous and insightful guide written by a lesbian mother who herself used donor sperm to conceive.

Pettle, Sharon and Jan Burns. Choosing to be Open about Donor Conception. Donor Conception Network, 2002. A book for parents based on interviews with 52 parents (lesbian, heterosexual, single and coupled) about their experiences being open with their children. Available from the Donor Conception Network (UK) or the Infertility Network (Canada).

Vercollone, Carol Frost, Moss, Heidi, and Robert Moss. Helping the Stork: The Choices and Challenges of Donor Insemination. Macmillan, 1997. A practical guide to the issues and challenges of DI.

Weschler, Toni. Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control and Pregnancy Achievement.HarperCollins, 1995, 2001. This accessible, detailed guide to understanding your body's fertility signs gets our highest recommendation.

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Books for Children

Let's Get This Straight
Let's Get This Straight:The Ultimate Handbook for Youth with LGBTQ Parents reaches out to young people with one or more gay,lesbian, bi, or trans parents to provide them with the tools to combat homophobia, take pride in their alternative family structures, and speak out against injustice.

Lesbian and Gay Voices: An Annotated Bibliography and Guide to Literature for Children and Young Adults by Frances Ann Day. Greenwood Press, 2000.

Baxter, Nicola. Our Story. Donor Conception Network, 2003. An excellent guide to donor insemination for young children, with one version about having lesbian parents and another about having a single mother. (ages 3-6). Available from the Donor Conception Network (UK) or the Infertility Network (Canada).

Celcer, Irene. Hope and Will Have a Baby: The Gift of Sperm Donation, illustrated by Horacio Gatto. Graphite Press, 2007. Delightful picture book of a heterosexual couple telling their child the story of how he came to be. The main message is that the child is truly loved and cherished.

Combs, Bobbie. 1 2 3 A Family Counting Book, illustrated by Danamarie Hosler and A B C A Family Alphabet Book, illustrated by Desiree Keane and Brian Rappa. Two Lives Publishing, 2000. Delightful picture books celebrating alternative families. The publisher's website, http://www.twolives.com, is a resource center for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered parents and their children.

Considine, Kaitlyn. Emma and Meesha My Boy: a Two Mom Story. Self-published, twomombooks.com, 2005. Two moms teach their daughter to be nice to her cat. (ages 3-6)

Elwin, Rosamund and Michele Paulse. Asha's Mums. Women's Press, Ontario, Canada, 1990. Thoughtful story showing how a young girl and her two moms deal positively with homophobia at school and introduce their family to her teacher and classmates. Characters of all different ethic backgrounds. (ages 6 and up)

Garden, Nancy. Holly's Secret. Farrar Straus Giroux, 2000. When Holly's family moves to a new town, she changes her name and lies about her parents (two moms), hoping that she'll fit in. She learns that her true friends will stand by her. The scenes between Holly and her family are very loving and realistic. (ages 8-12)

Gordon, Elaine R. Mommy, Did I Grow in Your Tummy? Where Some Babies Come From. Greenburg Press, 1992. Explains infertility, IVF and alternate ways to become a family, including donor gametes and surrogacy. Nicely color illustrated. heterosexual focus. (ages 4 and up)

Greenberg, Keith E. Zack's Story: Growing Up with Same-Sex Parents. Lerner Publications, 1996. Eleven-year-old Zack describes life with his two moms in this photo-essay for pre-teens.

de Haan, Linda. King and King. Tricycle Press, 2002. When the queen decrees that it's time for the prince to marry, princesses come from far and wide hoping to catch his eye. But the one who actually charms the prince is the brother of one of the princesses, and guess what? They live happily ever after! (ages 3-6)

Harris, Robie. It's Not the Stork! A Book about Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends. Candlewick, 2006. A comprehensive book explaining a myriad of topics related to growing up and getting to know yourself and your body. Illustrates a wide variety of family types and has a diversity of characters. (ages 4 and up)

Harris, Robie. It's So Amazing: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families. Candlewick, 1999. An upbeat, comprehensive sex education book for kids. (ages 7-10)

Leicester, Mai. Making Miracles. Acebabes, 2001. A book about a friendship between a boy and a frog that touches on assisted conception without any detail. (preschool)

Montuschi, Olivia. Telling and Talking about Donor Conception: A Guide for Parents.Donor Conception Network, 2006.

Four booklets designed to help parents decide whether and how to tell their children about their donor origins. Each booklet is geared toward a different age group, from birth to adulthood. Available for free from the Donor Conception Network.


My Story. London: Infertility Research Trust/Jessup Hospital for Women, 1991. A straightforward and gentle guide describing how Mummy and Daddy conceived their child through donor insemination. (ages 4-7) Available from the Donor Conception Network (UK) or the Infertility Network (Canada).

Newman, Leslea. Heather Has Two Mommies. Alyson Publications, 1989, updated 2000. This classic contains a good discussion of family diversity. (ages 4-7)

Newman, Leslea. Gloria Goes to Gay Pride. Alyson Publications, 1991. Gloria and her two mothers join in a Gay Pride parade.

Newman, Leslea. Felicia's Favorite Story. Two Lives Publishing, 2002.
At bedtime Felicia wants to hear her favorite story, of how she was adopted by Mama Linda and Mama Nessa. And so Felicia's parents tell her how they flew off in a big silver airplane to meet her and how they loved her from the very first moment they saw her . (pre-school)

Parr, Todd. The Family Book. Megan Tingley Books, 2003. A colorful, adorable, positive book about what makes families different and what makes them the same. (ages 2-5)

Paul, Julia, editor. How I Began. The Story of Donor Insemination. By N.S.W. Infertility Social Workers Group, 1988. This book describes sex, conception, infertility and pregnancy achieved through donor sperm. Best for older children ready to hear in detail about sex. Available from the Fertility Society of Australia.

Schaffer, Patricia. How Babies and Families Are Made: There Is More Than One Way! Tabor Sarah Books, 1988. Explains anatomy, conception, and birth in a context that acknowledges a variety of ways in which families can be created, including donor insemination (doesn't mention donor egg or surrogacy). Heterosexual focus. (ages 5-9)

Schnitter, Jane T. Let Me Explain: A Story about Donor Insemination. Perspectives Press, 1995. Explains donor insemination from the perspective of a young girl with heterosexual parents. This illustrated book takes a child's matter of fact view about her DI conception and her close connection to her dad. A lovely and warm book. (ages 7-10)

Simon, Norma. All Kinds of Families. Albert Whitman & Co, 1975, 1987. This picture book describes many different types of families and explores what they all have in common. (ages 4-8)

Skutch, Robert. Who's in a Family? Tricycle Press, 1998. A picture book portraying families in all their diversity. (ages 3-7)

Tax, Meredith. Families. Feminist Press at CUNY, 1996. Six year-old Angie introduces readers to her multicultural group of friends, who are loved and cared for within many different types of families. (ages 4-8)

Valentine, Johnny. The Duke Who Outlawed Jelly Beans. Alyson Books, 2004. A collection of five original fairy tales: The Frog Prince, The Eagle Rider, the Dragon Sense, The Ogre's Boots and The Duke Who Outlawed Jelly Beans. Embedded within the stories are a cast of gay and lesbian characters. (ages 6-8)

Valentine, Johnny.One Dad, Two Dads, Brown Dad, Blue Dads.Alyson Books, 2004. Two children-- one with blue dads, one from a more traditional family-- compare notes in this light-hearted book about parents who are different. In the end, of course, they discover that blue dads aren't really that different from other dads. Except for one thing. (ages 4-8)

Willhoite, Michael. Daddy's Roommate. Alyson Books, 1991. Both the story and pictures are warm and positive, as they show the boy Nick with the two partners, and depicts loving family relationships. (ages 4-8)

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Videos for Children

Telling and Talking. Liesel Evans, Director, Donor Conception Network, 2006. A 45-minute documentary of 10 families with donor-conception origins. Parents and children answer questions about their experiences of telling/learning about their DI origins and continuing to talk together as the children grow and change. It features families headed by single women, a lesbian couple and seven heterosexual couples. Available at the Donor Conception Network (UK) or the Infertility Network (Canada).

A Different Story. Liesel Evans, Director, Donor Conception Network, 2002. A 30-minute documentary based on interviews with seven people aged seven and 20 years who offer varied positive and thoughtful reflections about their DI origins. All were conceived with the aid of an anonymous donor and all were told the facts of their conception at an early age by their parents. Does not include mention of families headed by lesbians or single women. Available the Donor Conception Network (UK) or the Infertility Network (Canada).

That's a Family. Debra Chasnoff, Director, Women's Educational Media, 2000. A half-hour documentary video that breaks new ground in helping elementary-school-aged kids see and understand many of the different shapes that families take today.

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